word of the day: curious

by erika

Hi Friends,

It goes something like this: there is a tunnel, a tunnel and then a light-there is also the sound of the train barreling towards me from behind. I am almost certain that I will make it to the other side before I am pummeled by the incoming-ness and ongoing-ness, as, not too far ahead of me, there is a light…

Friends, let me tell you about Maymester–or “Paymester” as my dear Miche so rightly named it.  I am in it. 15 weeks of “dance history and philosophy” in 14 days. Twenty students (many of whom have “already graduated” and need this class to seal the deal), one conference room, 9am-12pm for lecture every day, a test every friday and a paper due every weds. The other clincher, an amazing colleague, Gesel, who is sitting in on the class to sate her own sick and twisted edification. Let me reiterate: I have a colleague in class every day–an amazing, brilliant, challenging colleague (one waaay smarter than me in so many ways) in class, every day. This is sort of like having a dental hygienist in your bathroom watching you floss every morning. And man, with that kind of expertise over my shoulder, I am flossing hard–so hard sometimes my gums are bleeding. Now don’t get me wrong–I LOVE Gesel–and who wouldn’t want someone with the namesake of that f’d up Willi from the Romantic ballet era in a dance history class?–but her realness is holding me to it.

What is “it,” you may ask?  “It” is not the it of dates and names and movement styles, “it” is the realness of life and theory and education, of who is mentioned and who is not mentioned. “It” is the question about arming students with Theory (the almighty kind, especially my beloved Feminist theory(ies)) that only makes them “smart” enough to be dangerous. “It” is the clarity that many “Milleniums” don’t think that there are any issues of race, class, or gender anymore (“But we have a black president!”) and so questions around examining these worlds don’t impact or concern them. So many are so “post” everything that they can at first appear to be post-learning, post-expanding, post-questioning, post-curious.  Some may say that the only post they know is what is posted on their fb page.  But I refuse to.

word of the day: curious

It is curious to me that one could live a life without wanting, without question (or at least without a question that differs from, “Do we have to know this for the test?) And so I try harder. I work harder. I get more curious and hope that in my thirst I catch a couple who care. And they do. They do care–and I see them caring even more.  I love my students–I love the moment their heads explode when something comes to light for them for the first time.

And, as extra as it is to have someone passionately curious in the room, it is also exactly what a girl needs to get a job like this done. I mean, really, imagine if I did floss like someone was watching?

Perhaps the sound in the tunnel behind me is not a train but the pounding of feet and the racing of minds, running, trying to catch up, trying to get through the dark of confusion/apathy that comes from having spent your entire educational life left behind. Perhaps that sound I hear rounding the bend is the  “I Think I Can! I Think I Can!” of  newly curious minds rushing towards the light of wondering. Perhaps they are just a ways behind me yet and I should stay a little longer in the dark, go deeper into the unknown and my own curiosity so that we can ride home together, a little smarter, a little brighter, and even more dangerous. curious.

Thank you, Gesel, for making this time so wonderfully rich and beautifully more complicated.

Love to All,

not-so-silent e