junk drawer

by erika

 

Every house needs one place where anything and everything belongs

the scissors right at home next to the stamps the birthday candles and the travel corkscrew

the electrical tape the paperclips the bundle of sage

all thrown in together

in a rare and thrilling rebellion against order and hierarchy

 

I remember my Nana’s junk drawer

an improvisation of necessary things

that didn’t quite go together

nor did they go anywhere else

With a “place for everything and everything else in its place”

she still had a drawer

right there

handy

next to the sink

Packed full, you never knew quite what you would find

and after digging for a safety pin

I remember my six-year old hands smelling

of copper coins and rubber bands

flecks of cigarette tobacco under my nails

even though she’d quit smoking years before

 

this mess is what it feels like now in my chest

right here, where my heart, once, not too long ago, thanks to the gift of the label-maker your mother gave you for your birthday, was marked with your name

my love for you right next to my disappointment my grief my guilt

the time in Greece the ER the broken down car

all thrown in together

with new found things that I don’t know where to put yet

but know someday I might need