her world outside it

by erika

 

her world outside it *

 

this is where I learned to love alone time

and Albinoni

and modern dance

and the underside of leaves

 

this is where I found my quiet voice

and my silent one

and the one raging inside me that said for the first time

i am angry

 

this is where I began to listen

and first understood bird song

lake song

love songs

 

this is where I stopped eating meat

and began devouring my own flesh

and found forgiveness in Bjork

when she was just a Sugarcube

and Sinéad

when she was both Lion and Cobra

 

This is where I walked for hours in yellow rain boots

listening to the understory of the wet woods

 

a story I took to be my own

 

I can still hear

the adagio, the leaves, the lake, the wild, the want

 

And now, I sit at a small formica table in a cabin in these same woods

all grown-up

starting over

fork and knife hovering above my memories

the whole meal of my past, just a sugarcube,

ready to dissolve

 

 

*(from Birthday by the Sugarcubes)