her world outside it

by erika


her world outside it *


this is where I learned to love alone time

and Albinoni

and modern dance

and the underside of leaves


this is where I found my quiet voice

and my silent one

and the one raging inside me that said for the first time

i am angry


this is where I began to listen

and first understood bird song

lake song

love songs


this is where I stopped eating meat

and began devouring my own flesh

and found forgiveness in Bjork

when she was just a Sugarcube

and Sinéad

when she was both Lion and Cobra


This is where I walked for hours in yellow rain boots

listening to the understory of the wet woods


a story I took to be my own


I can still hear

the adagio, the leaves, the lake, the wild, the want


And now, I sit at a small formica table in a cabin in these same woods

all grown-up

starting over

fork and knife hovering above my memories

the whole meal of my past, just a sugarcube,

ready to dissolve



*(from Birthday by the Sugarcubes)