Dream from my higher power, letter from my 84-year old self

by erika

Dear Erika,

I hate that you are still having challenges with your physical form. I’m a little over it at this point, frankly, you with two working knees and only the beginnings of spider veins, but I get it, it’s been a hard year with lots of change and you (and others) were starting to get a little attached to your two-hard-boiled-eggs-a-day-desperately-seeking-soothing-body. And for the 100th time, NO, gummi bears are not food. Not even the green ones.

But last night, after watching Cyrano (in French) with your boy and not drinking a drop, last night, you went to bed clear-headed and asked at the altar of sleep for a tiny morsel of peace. Last night you pleaded with your dreams for some support around the challenges you still face with accepting your body and its tidal shifts. And damn, did they deliver.  This morning, when you dreamed  of  God changing shape rapidly and asked, “Why don’t you fix your form? And why don’t you choose a woman or a man?” And God said, “If I chose a woman or a man, you wouldn’t believe me. And, anyway, it’s just a hard candy shell,” you knew it was exactly the medicine you needed.

Your mind jolted you awake, making sure wouldn’t forget it–as if you would forget a conversation with God?!?!?!? You have still never forgotten this dream–even though you can’t fully describe it. I know, you never said you “talked to God,” but you did  get deep in dialogue with the source of you that is linked to the god in all things and the message was loud and clear. crystal. It’s just a hard candy shell. Our bodies, even this tired old bag of flesh and bones you’re wearing now, is just that–a hard candy shell, a container for the go(o)d stuff. There’s nothing new in this revelation except that you ASKED for it. Which means maybe you are ready. And your dreams trusted you with a fairly epic representation of this example–a huge kick in that not-yet-sagging ass of yours, hoping you would finally see and remember that your gifts on this earth work through your body but come from your heartmindsoul. You may choose wine for the bottle but it’s the wine you get drunk on, not the glass.

This may or may not be the last time you need a dream like this–but it’s the first time you’ve asked for one. Keep working this magic and you just might get better and better at getting what you need.

Love you, kitten.

84-year old Erika