the e-dict

…from the imagination of Erika Anne Randall

Category: letters to myself

love letter from 92 year-old e

Dear Erika, First morning in a long while that you have been up before the sun. The quiet of your home is a gift you haven’t opened in months and months. And after last night’s bullying brawl, I can only imagine how eager you are for calm, as your inner voice says, “Oh shut up, […]

love letter from 97 year-old me

Morning, lady. I think it’s so cute how you get all brave and say something pithy or punchy in a room full of folks and then suffer the guilt and shame of your own poison more than the intended. I should say, it was cute…but you’re too old for that shame shit now. It’s about […]

love letter from the cave of my heart

Dear me, dear dear me. Hello, kitten. come on back from that edge. it’s nothing, this recent thing that feels like everything. As one of your beloveds says, “be nice to my friend.” You know it’s me you are talking about when you trash talk yourself? Me! Little old, stooped over me! Why would you […]

love letter to myself from 97 year-old me

Dear Darling, Whew. What a time. I don’t know what else to tell you but keep going. And to stop. You have before you a pair of docks. The one to the right is rickety, needs fixing, and has a an old fishing boat tied up to its side by a slime green rope. Its […]

love letter to myself

Dear Erika, So tired, you. But get up anyway. I have exciting news! You’re still alive! This (thing that is taking all of your time and emotional resource) doesn’t kill you! OK. Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you why I really took pen to paper…to remind you that you are […]

when noise goes quiet…a list of things to be grateful for

when i let the 4am noise go quiet (which I can rarely do unless I drown it out with “peaceful piano” on spotify or, better yet, my own rhythmic breathing) I find that there are plenty of reasons to be grateful. 1. my health. except for this random hemorrhoid situation, I’m doing pretty well right […]

love letter from 97-year old Erika

Good morning, you! Yes–an exclamation point! And another! I see you where you are. How you are almost able to feel something that is yours alone without emotionally echolocating to loss for self-orientation. You are so close to knowing how wide to reach til you feel your own walls, trusting your own footing, and welcoming […]

love letter to myself from 88 year-old Erika

hi kitten, Not an easy month this October, is it? So much Kali energy…death, rebirth, death, rebirth. Phoenixing is hard on the adrenals. (So is that sugar you are once again pumping into your body late at night, but I am not judging your use of numbi bears at this moment in your history–so so […]

a whisper, from 103 year-old me

“Shhhh… closer… I’m trying to tell you something…” (I lean into the air like she’s there) “Everything you don’t know doesn’t matter. And everything that matters you can’t know. Not with your mindbrain anyway.” (I can’t tell if her paradoxical whimsy is a  symptom of her age, 103 last weekend, or her wisdom) “I was […]

love letter from 94-year old me

Dear Erika, Here we are again…back to the beginning. And still, all these years later, you hear The Spaniard in your head, “I am waiting for you, Vizzini. You told me to go back to the beginning. So I have. This is where I am, and this is where I’ll stay. I will not be […]